Jokes Jokes Jokes

(This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds during the day.)

BREAKFAST

• 1/2 grapefruit
• 1 slice whole wheat toast
• 8 oz skim milk

LUNCH

• 4 oz broiled chicken breast
• 1 cup steamed spinach
• 1 cup herbal tea
• 1 Oreo cookie

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK

• Remainder of Oreos in pack
• 2 pints Haagen-Dazs ice cream
• 1 jar hot fudge sauce (optional: nuts, cherries, whipped cream)

DINNER

• 2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
• large sausage & cheese pizza
• 4 cans or 1 large pitcher beer
• 3 Milky Way candy bars

LATE EVENING NEWS

• Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer

***RULES FOR THIS DIET***

1. If you are eating something and no one see you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes never counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up the people around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and are not part of one's personal intake. Examples are Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Jr. Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes caloric leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on knife while making a sandwich or ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples include spinach and pistachio ice cream, cauliflower and whipped cream.