| BEFORE | AFTER |
| You take my breath away | I feel like I'm suffocating |
| Twice a night | Twice a month |
| She says she loves the way I take control of a situation |
She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac |
| Lucy and Ricky | Fred and Ethyl |
| Saturday Night Fever | Monday Night Football |
| He makes me feel like a million dollars | If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done... |
| don't stop | don't start |
| the sound of music | the sounds of silence |
| Is that all your having? | Maybe you should have just a salad, Honey |
| Wheel of Fortune | Jeopardy |
| It's like I'm living in a dream. | It's like he lives in a dorm. |
| $60/doz. | $1.50/stem |
| turbo charged | jump start |
| We agree on everything. | Doesn't she have a mind of her own? |
| Victoria's Secret | Fruit of the Loom |
| Charming & Noble | Chernobyl |
| Feather and Handcuffs | Ball and Chain |
| Idol | Idle |
| I love a woman with curves. | I never said you were fat. |
| He's completely lost without me. | Why won't he ever ask for directions? |
| Time Stood Still | This relationship is going nowhere |
| croissant and cappuccino | bagel and instant |
| Blind | Nearsighted |
| You look so seductive in black. | You're clothes are so depressing. |
| Iambic Pentameter | blank verse |
| Oysters | Fish sticks |
| I can hardly believe we found each other. |
I can't believe I ended up with someone like you. |
| Passion | Ration |
| Once Upon A Time | The End |
